Crazies : OLTs = Goldmine

New York offers a veritable buffet of crazy. Even though Manhattan is, by many of the old NY'ers account, too antiseptic and "mall-like," it still brings out the sort of crazy that's not only real, but golden.

These gold bars of humanity roam the streets as assumingly normal people. Until they open their mouths. OLTs (Outloud Talkers) are my favorite of the crazies. But until recent technology they were a relatively stereotyped group of people, relegated to some of the city's grimy subways and dark streets. There are three types of OLTs in New York: The subway speaker, old man crazy and the bluetoother.

Subway speaker : This is the man/woman who makes their plea for help on the subway via a guilt ridden speech that each one of them has ripped off from the previous bum. I'm not hating on the homeless. I'm just saying let's get some feeling into this speech. You want me, to give you money based on the fact that somewhere there is some human decency in my brain-dead-let's not talk on the subway-persona. It's got to be better than a deadpan monotone. Ok. Take the guy who told everyone in the train that all he needed was enough money to pay for his electric bill and then showed the statement. Take a cue from Matlock, you're going to need some better evidence than ratty clothes and that I haven't taken a shower in a week look.

Old Man Crazy: This can be a man/woman who for no reason just yells things out loud. Usually found while walking down the street. Old man crazy's last siting for me was on 96 and Lex. "Ummph, God-Dammit. I don't wanna! Noooo!" He then had a 3-year-old leg-stomp tantrum in the middle of Lexington Ave.

The Bluetoother/Headset Crazy: These people are the most recent additions to crazy. Funny thing is, 98% of them have never been institutionalized or been on the meds, but have recently lost the concept that other people are around them, and can hear what they say loud and clear. The most recent siting of Bluetooth OLT was on 91st and 1st. "That fucking bitch. The bitch fucking dirties up my car. That's the last motherfucking time I'm fucking letting her use my car." Who are you talking to? I can't see the other side of your head. To me, your bat-shit crazy.




OLTs don't always have to be crazy. Some of the best quotes come from them. Two weeks ago there was 60 plus RVs full of of Hasidic Jews were in a caravan on 5th Ave.
Everyone was staring while walking their respective ways, when I turned the corner a young OLT said, "Son, dem niggas is deep." Exactly what I was thinking.